Chapter 3 Decisions decisions
Oddly the hangover the next morning wasn’t too bad. But my little but hole stung a little, I would remember to carry a little tub of lube the next time Victoria went out or be a little less slutty! I entered the living room to find my lifelong friend Mel drinking a coffee and rubbing the balls of her feet.
“Babes are your feet not killing you?” I did a little shimmy like dance to demonstrate that I was feeling fine and dandy.
“Bitch.” She meant it as well.
“Well you will buy cheap shoes from Primark, it’s no wonder why your feet are sore.” I remarked, my boots cost one hundred and fifty quid in TK Maxx reduced from four hundred. Last night was intended to be either a life changing event or a disappointing one off. Either way I spared very little expense.
I fixed myself a coffee and joined her on the sofa. We sat in contemplation for about 10 minutes.
“Am I talking to Stephen or Victoria?” She asked.
I took her hand and gave it a little reassuring squeeze and said, “You’re talking to me.” I answered, I’m not sure either of us knew what that meant to be honest.
“I fucked up. I am married less than a week and I have already cheated on Andrew.”
“You didn’t cheat on him, you were just giving blow jobs in a disabled toilet. Andy will just be upset that you weren’t charging the punters.” She chuckled, and mock punched me in the arm.
“Shut up you, he’s not that bad.”
“No. He is as generous with money as he is well hung!” Again, she laughed.
“The only reason he wanted to marry you is because he hated spending money on condoms.” I really liked her husband Andrew, he was great for Mel, and she took great delight on telling me how big his manhood was. But he had a big problem parting with money. Mel had a problem with being faithful.
“And let’s not forget you did much worse on your hen night.” Anxiously she rubbed her face before saying “I promised him that it would stop, one bloody week. I love him, and yet I can’t stop myself from fucking any cock with a pulse.”
“At least you didn’t let a stranger in a chewbacca mask arse fuck you, I’m sure I could get in trouble for bestiality. I mean I never even saw his face.”
She snorted a quick laugh before saying, “I Suppose so, you filthy whore.” We cuddled quickly and sat watching the crappy TV show that was on.
After about ten minutes she asked me, “Sweetie what are you going to do?”
“About what?”
“I haven’t saw you as happy and confident as I did last night, in like forever.”
“It was a lot of fun. Even the Wookiee was a bit of craic.”
“I am so glad it went ok, I was worried that you would get hurt.” I hugged her again.
“Thanks.”
“Have you decided what Victoria’s role will be in in your new life?” I hadn’t even thought about it to be honest. I enjoyed my night as a girl, hell I loved every second of it. But I wasn’t sure that I was ready to part with Stephen. Well not just yet.
“I don’t know.” For some reason my eyes were welling up. I had suppressed everything about Victoria from the first time someone told me that boys didn’t wear dresses, when i was about five years old.
As I entered puberty it was an erotic stimulant to arouse me in the absence of porn. Even then I was suppressing the desire to let my female side out. All I could get away with was a few pairs of panties stolen off a neighbour’s washing line, and a pair of old tights. As I progressed through my teens I was made painfully aware that different was wrong.
Victoria had been hidden away, until now.
She was screaming to get out.
Silently I cried for about twenty minutes, it was a mixed bag of elation that I got to be Victoria in public and devastation that I had to make a decision on which me would get to live. I guess I was at a real turning point in my life. Mel tried her best to console me.
After some time, the tears dried up and my throat ached from crying. Mel eventually asked me, “You know you can’t meet that guy in the parlour on Thursday night?”
I was far from ready for another serious conversation, my coping mechanism has always been to make light of the situation.
“I haven’t decided if I am going to meet him yet. But why couldn’t I meet him? I am sure their disabled toilets are nicer than the ones in the student’s union.”
She chuckled a little then said, “I am sure that they are, but Thursday night in the parlour, every one you know will be there.”
“Balls.” I had forgotten that all Stephens’s friends drank in the parlour bar on a Thursday night. None of them knew about Victoria. I wasn’t sure I was ready for them to know about her.
“Does he know about little Stephen?” Mel added extra spice into the mix. I wasn’t sure if Josh had made me as a transvestite or not.
“He must do?” It was a question as much as it was an answer.
“Did you reply to him?”
“Not yet.” She seemed horrified. “You need to do something. Either tell him that you’re a boy or tell him you’re not interested.”
“What gungoren escort would you do?” i asked hoping that Mel would know what to do.
“I am not sure I am qualified to answer that question. I mean you’re confused about whether or not you like guys. Not to mention if you’re a boy or a girl.”
“Chicken!” I chastised her
“Do you want to meet him?” I considered her question, Josh was really cute, even Stephen fancied him. But Stephen was probably a closet poof, as well as a closet tranny. Victoria was genuinely nuts about the thought of going out with Josh.
“That’s it.” I thought a loud.
“What’s it?” Mel queried. I picked up my phone and typed a reply to josh, it read;
“Josh, I would love to meet you on Thursday. But let’s go to Ryan’s instead. One thing you should know about me though.”
Minutes later he replied;
“Brilliant… What should I know?”
I turned to Mel. “I will let Josh Decide.”
“I am actually a boy. I understand if you don’t want to meet. I just thought I should tell you upfront.” The two black ticks beside the message informed me that the message was delivered. They flicked round and turned blue.
Well he has read it. The top of the screen under his name said typing… showing that he was responding. Then it turned to online. Meaning he wasn’t typing.
My heart sank. Josh had made his decision. I stared at the phone for what seemed like an eternity, when it became clear that he wouldn’t be my date for Thursday night; I convinced Mel to get me drunk.
Sunday’s hangover was pretty bad. It wasn’t helped by the ringing in my ears. It took a few moments of morning after vodka fuelled disorientation before I realised that the ringing wasn’t in my ears but from under my pillow. I gingerly slid my hand and recovered my phone, which was loudly ringing.
I swiped across to answer. My mouth as dry as a desert puddle. “Hello?”
An American voice replied, “Your ok then?”
“Huh?” This grunt was about as much as i could muster.
The voice on the other end chuckled and said, “Check your messages. See you on Thursday.”
It seemed that Victoria was in charge as we left the pub. She whatsapped Josh asking him why he didn’t have the balls to reply. Eventually after about thirty messages he replied, “I’m not gay.”
To which Victoria replied;
“Heartbeat got to do with ut” at 01:22
“Duck” 01:22
“Ducking duck” 01:22
“Duck sake stop it.” 01:23
“Fubciubd spellcheck”01:23
Next was an audio message every word slurred I could hear Mel laughing and encouraging Victoria in the background, “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“I didn’t know the girl I met on Friday was a dude.”
“She wasn’t a dude, dude!” Mel shouted into the phone as an audio reply to Joshes message.
Mel went on, “And you fancied her. So, what if she has a small dick.” I snorted, “Cheers Mel”
“I’m not into guys.”
“I understand, but I am not a guy. I am the girl you met on Friday night. We had fun. I know you fancied me. Let’s meet up, I promise not to try and rape your hot ass.” There were several emojis laughing.
The next message was two hours later. “What the hell, as long as you promise not to rape me!” More laughing and crying emojis. It seems that far from being a drunken mess my female alter ego was an evil genius.
More to the point she had a date.
Chapter 4 – Date night
I lived in modern flat in a largely student area of south Belfast. My two flat mates were medicine students and were both on their elective year, one away in Cairo the other working in a hospital in Mumbai. We bought our apartment in first year as an investment the property prices were very low, so i was able to live in quite a nice flat pretty much on my own while they were away.
One of the advantages of where i lived was that it was only a five-minute walk to Ryan’s Bar. So, I wouldn’t have far to run if things went bad.
I worked out what i was wearing with Mel. Considering where i would be meeting Josh, I didn’t think it would be appropriate to dress like a slut, so a more conservative outfit was required. I spent the day in town shopping, skipping my lessons for the day. I got my underwear in Debenhams a black bra with a red floral motif and Thong set, i got an off the shoulder red top in Topshop and a pair of faded blue Levi jeans with a boot cut leg. I planned to wear the same black leather, pointed toe knee high boots with a three-inch chrome heel that I had worn when I first met Josh. They cost me a hundred and fifty quid, and looked wonderful, they really lived up to the ‘Fuck me Boots’ label.
As it was November in Belfast I needed a coat, so Mel leant me her faux Givenchy black fitted leather jacket, and matching handbag. Matching my black leather boots, with the coat and hand bag tied my outfit off rather nicely.
Mel called around to do my makeup. Once again when she had worked her magic i was astonished. I really didn’t look like a boy in drag I honestly look istanbul escorts the part of a woman in her twenties going out on a date.
And now I was ready, into my handbag went the essentials, phone, purse, keys and a cosmetic repair kit including lippy, lip gloss, perfume, and the other essentials that Mel recommended. I had no idea how to use them, but she said that needed them so into my bag they went. It was starting to seem less and less like a small bag to carry essentials and more and more like check in luggage.
I had decided that I wasn’t going to be slutty on this date, and Josh was adamant about not being gay. But he was going on a date with a boy who dressed like a girl, so anything was possible. I remembered how my little ass felt after the Halloween ball, so I thought to myself “better be safe than sore.” and packed a couple of condoms, and a little tube of lube.
Now that I was ready I set off. As I walked up the street toward Ryans bar my anxieties began to stir.
Was this a mistake?
Was it a prank? Would josh’s mates be there to take the piss out of the sissy boi?
Worse yet what if Josh didn’t like me?
Good God what if he did like me?
I don’t know what it is like for ‘normal’ guys, whether or not they get fixated by the sound of a girls heels walking on a concrete pavement. The metronome nature of the click as right heel contacting ground followed moments later by the clack of the left heel striking down followed soon after by the right again. I have often found myself aroused just at the sound of girls walking in heels. As I walked my worries washed away from me, and I found myself comforted by the sounds of my own high heeled gait.
Before long I had reached the front Ryans bar grill. I checked my phone and saw a message from my date, “I’m inside, sitting at the back. Shall I order you a drink?” instinctively my mouth contorted into a smile. This was really happening.
I walked past the bouncers and into the quiet bar.
Mel and I had often sat in Ryans on a Thursday night. We loved to watch the first dates.
It was the perfect first date bar, not too lively so you can actually have a conversation, but lively enough that any uncomfortable sciences are glossed over.
Almost without fail the guy would arrive first and sit in a mixture of fear and nervous anticipation, usually unsure what the girl he got off with the previous weekend looked like.
I rounded the bar counter, past the bar staff and turned towards the back snug are. They’re facing me was the quite possibly cutest guy i had ever laid eyes on.
It would be no exaggeration to say my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. An invisible force crashed into my chest with such a magnitude that I sucked in a breath as if it were my last.
Casually dressed, but somehow, he was well turned out. His sculpted torso seemed like it had been shrink wrapped in a grey V-neck jumper, every well-defined muscle on his chest was framed by the material. I am not saying that he was a muscle-bound knuckle dragger, just that he had done quite a few sit ups over the course of his life. His tightly cropped hair had been tightly cropped recently.
As I approached I studied his perfectly symmetrical face, watching for the tell-tale signs of disappointment and horrified realisation that he felt like he had pulled an ugly girl; that I had witnessed so many times as a giggling bystander with Mel in the past.
But as he recognised me there was a glint in his eye that suggested that he was impressed with me. Or maybe it was the look of a guy who had just farted and was sure he would be identified as the smelly culprit.
I was never good at reading faces.
As I got closer he stood up, and warmly welcomed me by kissing me in a very continental style on each cheek. His manly hands on my shoulder pulling me closer for the Biz.
He got me a glass of white wine, and we spent a couple of hours chatting. I have to say it was lovely. I even forgot how I was dressed, and that I wasn’t out with a mate. I often read about transvestites who like to be treated like a lady. Josh was making me feel so comfortable that I had forgotten that I was the lady on this date!
Eventually the conversation made its way to the elephant in my panties, well the mouse in my panties.
“So, you’re really a dude?” He eloquently asked
“Do I look like a dude?”
“Of course not. But does it still work?”
“Does what still work?” Josh blushed and said, “Your boy bits?” I actually began to laugh.
“My boy bits, Josh your so cute.” I meant it. I could eat him up. But he had already made it clear that there would be no eating of each other on this or any other date.
“Well?” He was insistent.
“You’re straight right?” He nodded.
“I am normally a guy. I just love to let this side of me out from time to time. Actually, Friday was my first time. This is my second. But tomorrow I will be back to being a boy.”
“Oh.” Did he seem disappointed?
“Josh?” He couldn’t bayrampasa escort look me in the eye. Staring into his glass he almost whispered,
“You look really amazing. I find it hard to believe that you have a cock.”
“Thank you. But it’s really not much of a cock.” He laughed a little before very shyly asking.
“So how does it work?” I was bewildered, I had become a diva! If I’m honest a little pissed with him. Does he want to know how my cock works? I put my glass down, I think that I was done. I stood up, and lifted my jacket and my bag, hanging my leather jacket over one arm I scolded him.
“Much the same way as yours works Josh. Now I am going to go home, before one of us says something even more stupid.” I took him by surprise, he seemed shocked at the turn of events.
I didn’t see him scramble to get his things together. But he caught up with me as I walked passed the big bouncer and into the cold November air.
He shouted down the street, “Victoria!”
I stopped in my tracks, what could he want? I was facing away from him as I started to say, “You know for a straight guy you seem very fixated on my cock.”
By the end of my sentence I had turned to face him. He didn’t answer. He put one of his big manly hands on each side of my face and pulled my lips onto his own.
Boom!
Once our tongues finished exploring each other’s mouths he said, “I wasn’t asking how your cock worked.”
I could still taste the red wine that he had been drinking, maybe it was the kiss, but it tasted really nice. I would have to ask him what wine it was.
“It sounded like you were.” I chided.
He took my hand in his and said, “No, I wanted to know what would happen if I allowed what I was feeling for you, to make my decisions.”
I pulled my hand away, and placed both hands on my hips nervously asked “And what is it you feel for me?”
“I am not very good with girls…” He nodded along with himself.
“Yea I look pretty great…” He did, his mood turned a little more solemn as he went on, “
But I find it hard to talk to women. I’m ok if I pick up a girl in a bar. She is usually pretty drunk and not chatty, but you have no idea how many girls I have bored to death on dates like tonight. But somehow with you, it felt so easy to talk to you. I know I am not gay. I just don’t find men attractive. Yet I have spent my whole night trying to hide my boner from you.”
My mood turned apologetic, “Josh, sweetie, you’re just confused, I talked to you like we were mates. We both forgot that I was a girl tonight. I am sure that we could go home and have a pretty good fuck. But how will you feel tomorrow morning when you wake up beside a guy?” I reached for his hand, and gave it a squeeze, I was amazed at how big his hand seemed compared to mine.
“I don’t know, I don’t care.”
“I do know. You will wake up and try and play it cool. But Josh, I do like guys, especially when they look like you. I will wake up horny, and you will be disgusted.”
I kissed him again a deep and lingering kiss, I savoured his mouth. My hand slipped down between and brushed his crotch I had to know if he was telling the truth, and sure enough I felt his unmistakable hardness.
The kiss broke up in that natural way slipping from a full-on French kiss into a series of pecks on the lips. As it did we stood holding each other’s hands, face to face. Neither of us daring to look into the others eyes, thus both staring our feet.
“Thank you for a wonderful evening Josh. You made me really, really happy. But I can’t face seeing you recoil from me in the morning. So, I am going to go home. I suggest you do the same. If you still feel the same way in the morning call me.”
I stepped away and walked down the Darkened Street towards my house. I have no idea how long he watched me. I couldn’t turn back, because I knew if I did and he was still there I would have changed my mind and ran into his embrace; if I did turn to see him and he wasn’t there, my heart would surely break.
I closed the door, and it took all my strength not to burst. I leant up against the frosted glass of the door. Crazy emotions played havoc with me.
I had been on a date, my first date in seven months.
I have been on a date with a truly amazing guy.
I have been on a date with an amazing guy as Victoria.
But the thing that was really twisting my insides was that Josh wasn’t interested in getting to know me as Stephen. He wanted Victoria.
A million permutations and questions were running through my little pickled mind. I kept focusing on two of them;
Could I be her?
Did I want to be her?
What I really should have been asking myself was;
Could she go back to being me?
Chapter 5 – Knock on the Door
I woke around ten am. My head, throat and guts were screaming out in pain from crying throughout the night.
My whole life I have known one thing.
I was a boy.
Admittedly, I was a boy who like the feel of girl’s clothes against his body.
But I was a boy.
Last week I gave my silent female side a voice. It felt wonderful being Victoria for a night, I loved the feeling of being her, I enjoyed her company. But I always intended to put her back in the closet when this was done.